WEB DESIGNER SPIDER

Microsoftius windosius

INSTITUTE CLASSIFICATION: Digital Arachnid / Unauthorised Administrator
OFFICIAL STATUS: INSTITUTE ORIGINAL
ARCHIVE: Institute Originals
CASE STATUS: Investigation Ongoing

 

CASE SUMMARY

Institute IT staff first became suspicious when the Headquarters website began changing overnight.

Buttons moved.

Menus disappeared.

Pages appeared in unexpected locations.

And the homepage suddenly contained approximately eight hundred navigation links.

IT blamed Research.

Research blamed IT.

Both departments blamed WordPress.

Then somebody noticed a spider sitting beside the keyboard.

Case opened.

Password changed.

 

CLAIMS UNDER INVESTIGATION

CLAIM #1
A spider has learned web design.

CLAIM #2
It operates computers after Headquarters closes.

CLAIM #3
It has developed its own operating system:

SilkOS 3.1

CLAIM #4
Nobody can work out how to uninstall it.

Initial Institute Assessment:

Finally.

A spider that actually understands what a web is for.

 

ORIGIN & HABITAT

Usually found:

Behind computer monitors

Beneath desks

Inside server rooms

Near Wi-Fi routers

Anywhere somebody has just said:

“The website was working yesterday.”

 

RECOGNISED BY

Eight legs

Tiny spectacles

Keyboard access

Excessive browser tabs

Small coffee cup

Strong opinions about fonts

 

KNOWN FOR

Building webs.

Digitally.

The Web Designer Spider reportedly spends its nights rearranging Institute webpages, installing unnecessary plugins 

and insisting that every problem can be solved by:

“Clearing the cache.”

Researchers have also discovered references to its proprietary operating system:

SilkOS 3.1

SilkOS 3.2 remains in beta.

Nobody volunteered to test it.

 

WHAT THE EVIDENCE SAYS

Spiders build extraordinary physical webs.

They do not build websites.

No recognised spider species can:

Type

Design webpages

Install software

Manage WordPress

Argue about typography

The Institute therefore considers the Web Designer Spider biologically impossible.

IT Department considers this conclusion:

Premature.

 

INSTITUTE INCIDENT REPORT

11:03 pm — Website functioning normally.

11:47 pm — Staff leave Headquarters.

6:58 am — Staff return.

Homepage changed.

7:02 am — Seventeen new buttons discovered.

7:06 am — Creature Archive menu now links to cafeteria.

7:11 am — Spider located beside keyboard.

7:12 am — Spider disappears behind monitor.

7:14 am — Password changed.

7:16 am — Password changed back.

Investigation escalated.

 

FUN FACTS

Prefers dark mode.

Has eight separate computer mice.

Refuses to use Internet Explorer.

Calls bugs “features.”

Maintains approximately 214 browser tabs.

Has never met a plugin it didn’t want to install.

 

INSTITUTE SAFETY TIPS

If your website begins changing overnight:

DO:

Save backups.

Check administrator accounts.

Use strong passwords.

Ask your IT department.

DO NOT:

Give spiders administrator privileges.

Accept software called SilkOS.

Click UPDATE ALL and walk away.

 

OFFICIAL FINDING

INSTITUTE ORIGINAL

Web-building spiders?

Real.

Website-building spiders?

Not so far.

The Web Designer Spider remains an Institute Original.

However, Headquarters recommends changing passwords regularly.

Just in case.

 

JUNIOR RESEARCHER CHALLENGE

Design a webpage for a creature.

What information should visitors see first?

How would you organise:

Facts

Pictures

Evidence

Habitat

Questions

Research findings?

Congratulations.

You are now competing directly with the Web Designer Spider.